Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
