Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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