My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
