You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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