No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
