i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
how does that bad decision feel?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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