i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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