He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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