I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am midnight drunk by noon
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
