she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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