end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
