do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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