I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
