i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
