Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
