When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
