I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
be right there i have to get my cape
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
