You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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