the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
