If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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