I murdered the dance floor call the cops
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
