you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
