Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize