there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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