oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
