my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
