so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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