Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
