Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
