I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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