Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
