I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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