Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize