she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
