fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
