i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We need to get me chipped asap
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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