Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
