my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
