i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
