Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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