I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
