Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
