WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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