I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
