If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
