I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
