sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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