You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
