Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
