so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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