Umm I'm too high to move.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A bitchslap is in order.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
