wakey wakey hands off snakey
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
