Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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