yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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