Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize