Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
