just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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