Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
