I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
