Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
