CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
