Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
