he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
