The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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