i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
