nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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