I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
