I puked a lego.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
