my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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