she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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